Our view of “the one” is sometimes distorted by fairy tales and even a few Christian scholars. The myth concerning “the one” is that in all the world there is just ONE particular guy that will fit perfectly for each girl. If we marry someone and run into a few rough patches in the relationship, we may start wondering, “Was THIS guy *the one* or is there someone else I was SUPPOSED to marry!?” Fear and doubt set in. We worry if we picked someone other than the one we were supposed to marry. And now, what does that mean for the guy we were really supposed to marry? Did he marry someone else, which would inevitably be the wrong one for him too? And if he took someone else’s *one,* what does that mean for her guy? This train of thought can go on and on, and then we are blaming all the sad stories on people who married the wrong one.
God created us in a specific way to be encouraged, challenged, tested and benefitted by a certain type of guy. There are many men in the world that could possibly be the perfect one. We will meet a few of those guys in our lifetimes. Some are not physically attractive to us. Some are even married. No use in getting anxious about this. It’s not like we’ve missed our chance. He is probably in our lives to show us what kind of guy we’re looking for. He’s not there for us to covet or wish death upon his wife. Nope! He is a prime example of the type of guy for us. In all fairness, there are others like him and someone else will suit us better.
When we finally say “I do,” he is THE one. Through thick and thin, sickness and health, we’ve picked the one. This takes away some heavy pressure and tinges of confusion. When things start to get a little rough in marriage or we’re not “feeling the love” at the moment, it is NOT because we married the WRONG guy. Trouble, issues, disagreements are going to befall us all. Welcome to life! All of our relationships are going to have conflict. And we are going to work through that conflict. Just because my best friend doesn’t like my new shoes or laughs at me when I get weak in the knees for Super Swampers (offroad tires) and M/T SideBiters (rims), is no reason to call off the friendship. Or let’s say the best friend actually offends us. We might want some space for a little while, but it’s not a deal breaker. Same goes for marriage, we don’t need to call off the marriage because I want a dog and he wants a cat, or he wants to hang out with his friends when I want a date night. We work through our troubles and grow closer to one another. When we argue we do so lovingly and respectfully. There is no benefit to use cutting remarks like, “I should have married Johnny.” That isn’t going to help the case or bring resolution to the problem. It is going to add fuel to the fire and slice into our guy’s trust bank. It’s better to alleviate the worry or doubt when thinking through the problems: he is the one. There’s no use trying to justify a desire to run away or leave the relationship.
Before marriage, before boyfriends, and before pursuing a guy there should be a holy pursuit of God. As we build upon our relationship with the Lord He will reveal our identity and purpose in life. That identity enlivens and strengthens us for the work He has prepared for us. The rest of our lives are spent working and cultivating that beautiful responsibility.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” –Eph. 2:10
Marriage is a sign of a heavenly connection for which we yearn. A man loves a woman as Christ loves the Church. A woman respects and submits to a man as the Church does to Christ. There are many earthly signs of heavenly realities. In the Old Testament it talks meticulously about measurements and images of an earthly temple built for the Lord. The temple was a replica of the heavenly throne. It doesn’t even come close to the heavenly beauty, but it is an earthly example. When compared to the imagery and description God puts into marriage as an example of a heavenly relationship with Him, it is just a foretaste of future glory. Marriage is an earthly example of Christ and His Bride. So, even as beautiful and exemplary as marriage might be, it is only an illustration of what we truly aim for: eternity with Christ. Our true contentment is wrapped up in that relationship–Christ and His Church. When we understand that purpose we are able to depict a clearer picture of marriage to the world as we love sacrificially and unconditionally.
Disclaimer: This concept is based on what I believe a marriage could be. I am not speaking from experience. I have been proposed to more times than I can count on both hands, but I am confident there is someone indescribably better for me: a compilation of the right character, calling, and personality in a guy. The truth behind “the one” is that it is a choice we make. I will wait for the one I choose to be my one and only. I understand that marriage is not simple and it is not a solution to some dark hole of emptiness. It is an opportunity to bring all the beautiful uniqueness of my life and my experiences into a recipe with another guy’s life and experiences to create an even more beautiful picture of God. I understand that marriage is a blessing. It is a chance to share life with another and to give sacrificially and love wholeheartedly. I’m not going to put pressure on the poor guy to measure up to “the one.” Instead, it’s a choice we make. I will take responsibility for my choice. When I do say yes, I understand full-well that he is going to be “the one” for me by choice, not default.
Mackenzie Laird 