Tag Archives: love

Date Me If You Can

The issue of reading women probably stems from this oxymoron: we’re sickeningly sweet to the ones we couldn’t care less about and stone-cold indifferent to the attractive ones.

In my life, this little fact has handicapped me from being approachable to the right guys. I’ll see an attractive person and immediately freeze. My eyes drop to the floor and I instinctively smile at my feet. Some would say I’m just shy, but even shy people look back up at the person of interest. Unfortunately, I’ve convinced myself that such a move would scream with blaring desperation “pick me, please pick me!” So I am unable to express openness or encourage an approach. No wonder guys have such a fear of being shot down. We look like disinterested monsters too full to consume the approaching victim. But hey! There’s always the chance we’ll kill you for fun and leave the rotting corpse in our wake. So how do guys read the signs?

It is not always the guy’s responsibility to interpret mysterious signs expressed by the female gender. Take me, for instance, I’ll run the opposite direction, zigzagging along the way to throw someone off my trail. . .if I like him, that is. That doesn’t build much confidence in a poor guy trying to pursue.

So, hopefully the following will help…

Here are some of the signs of interest:

First, she glances and smiles. Then, she gives a second glance… 3 seconds pass… she smiles again. Third time, …she smiles, …okay! It is time to approach. This girl is interested.

Here is when it is not up to the poor guy to read interest: if a girl glances, makes eye contact and looks away, never to look back. It’s her loss if the guy chooses not to risk rejection by approaching her.

Flip the scene: when we don’t like someone, we smile, we’re friendly, we joke, we laugh, and we act like they are the only person in the world. We’re comfortable, if not confident. We don’t worry about rejection or looking dumb in front of these guys. They get friend-zoned almost immediately, but we love hanging out with them. Insert every girl’s claim here: we want to marry our best friend. By this, it only means we want to get as comfortable with the one we’re attracted to as we are with the friend-zoned fellow.

There is nothing wrong with being nice to guys we’re not interested in, but it is immensely confusing to befriend all the ones we don’t like while giving icy glares to the ones we do.

Here’s something we girls can do: be friendly to the guys we want to approach us. Be open and welcoming. Guys don’t need us to take their hand and lead the relationship. They need some encouragement in the right direction. They are not mind readers or flawlessly confident men who haven’t a fear in the world. They are human, trying to navigate life.

For the guys: look for the signs of interest. If you are unsure but interested, go for it. Most of the time, we are gracious in our rejection. Don’t take it personal. It was a risk taken and a new direction to move in. This one didn’t work. Maybe the next one will.

We could all learn to be clearer with our communication, actions and intentions. We are friendly creatures, by default because we want to be accepted and liked. Unfortunately, it is easier for us to abuse our power with people who make us comfortable. That goes for both genders. We gladly accept the attention of a person regardless of our own disinterest in them. It makes us feel desirable and enables us a few back-up plans in case we can’t find someone better. The dilemma in that is, when a guy sees us with our “friend,” he regards us as taken and moves on. This inevitably works its dark magic on our esteem. Now, we wonder why the only guys we attract are the ones we don’t like. The simple truth is we’re afraid of the ones we like. We don’t want to show our vulnerable hearts to them. So we try to mask it, act tougher, show interest elsewhere in order to get his attention. If we could just learn to be ourselves— comfortable, friendly, and funny— with the right company, we might have the chance at a top-choice relationship. We wouldn’t feel the need to settle every time we’re single and alone. Fear is the partner of settling. Fear of being alone, being shunned by society, being an outcast or–God forbid–different! Another reason we settle is this, “Hey! If the guy I like sees me with someone else, he’ll know I’m desirable. He will try to win me over.” I’m pretty sure it’s every girl’s fantasy to be fought over by two great guys. “May the best man win!” This is our atrocious flesh rearing its ugly insecure head like a pimple on prom night. It’s a world of confusion with so simple a solution:

We need to be nice to the one we are actually interested in. Stop playing games. If the guy doesn’t have a chance, we should be decent and respectful and cut him loose. It only brings trouble to keep a hapless crusher attached. He deserves to be happy with someone who will like him in return.


Prayer Makes Pure-fect

We were born in darkness. There is little gain from condemnation over bad choices made in the past. It is wrong to assume we were pure and those choices made us impure. Instead, we must realize that we live in a fallen world where all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). There are none righteous, no not one (Rom. 3:10). When we enter into the world, we are not pure but innocent of bad choices. We start off as selfish beings. When I gave away my first kiss I thought I lost some of my purity. I knew I could never get that back. The loss is so final. And yes, it is true that I’ve lost some of my innocence, but my purity is not wrapped up in a label. Purity begins in the heart. God brings the dead to life (Rom. 4:17). He washes us clean and calls us His redeemed. You and I were called out of darkness while we were still sinners. We didn’t earn good-standing; we weren’t holy enough to just step into His presence. He made us righteous with His blood. Each day we make choices and take steps, hopefully closer to purity. Each day we are being fashioned into His likeness. We have hearts that can ascend to purity through Christ’s redemption. It all starts with prayer.

Prayer has proven to be one of the biggest comforts in my life. I pray to God about everything. It is especially rewarding to talk to Him about guys. After all, He did create those guys and knows their hearts better than anyone. He is not going to give some biased advice or flattering feedback. He is going to shape and transform my heart to resemble His own for a guy: to love with selflessness and share my heart only if the Holy Spirit prompts me. I want to love people with His love. I don’t just love the world with His love because that sounds good. I love with His love because I have experienced it. I know His love is best. I know His love is the most satisfying, beneficial, and sacrificial love of all. There is no hidden agenda, selfish motive, or stipulation to His love. He loves us because He is love.

Many people ask the question “How do I hear His voice?” It is a real question, and of course, there is a real answer. Practice PRAYER.


The best way to hear this glorious King’s voice is to spend time in His presence. Prayer begins with conversations about our day, our feelings, anything. We acknowledge the opportunity to speak with the Creator of the Universe. Here’s an example of a rudimentary conversation: HI. You’re Jesus. I know a lot about you, but I don’t know YOU too well. I know you are the HOLY Son of God. I know you humbled yourself and became one of us for our sakes. I know you DIED on a cross and then rose again. Your word says you know the number of hairs on my head and your thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand (Psalm 139). That is pretty crazy to think, but already I like you more.

A great way to start talking to God is by confirming the truth we’ve read about Him. “I know you love me, forgive me, call me your child, etc.” Prostrate-that is a cool word for “lay face down,”-and just soak up the silence. In those silent moments Christ can speak to us. We often forget praying is a two-way conversation. We don’t just ask for things and wait for those things to fall out of the sky. We don’t rub a genie bottle and ask for our second wish. We don’t just talk to Him, forgetting WHO He is. God wants communion with us. He wants to talk to us. It’s hard to understand that in our initial conversations with Him. But prayers are supposed to progressively move deeper and closer to God’s heart. We can pray and hear answers, or we can pour out and just be comforted in His arms. He knows exactly what we need and what is best for us. It’s hard to face that when we really want an answer right now. But the more we talk to Him the more we trust Him and understand His heart for us. He is worth every minute of my day. I adore conversing with my Father in heaven and hearing His responses.

It is not like hearing a person in the next room, it is hearing with our spirits. We must be careful here because our hearts easily get distracted by our fleshly wants and we think we heard Him say “just do it.” The best way to combat and discern answers is the truth of His word. What does the Bible say? If our request stirs up an answer contradictory to the Word of Truth, chances are that answer is not from Him. John 10 talks about Christ as a Shepherd. It says His lambs hear and know His voice. He leaves the gate open for them to roam the fields freely, but when He calls, they know to return. How do we hear His voice and know it’s Him? Abracadabra, the answer is!… We spend time with Him. If we wanted to get to know someone, we wouldn’t just sit across the table from them and stare. That might be awkward and dissatisfying. A lot of people react to God in this manner. When one sits down to “talk with God,” it gets silent and weird. This is too quiet. I don’t like this silence. What do I say to You? What do I ask You? How weird is it that I hope to hear back from You? What if I DON’T hear from You?

There are many questions to ask, but no idea where to go with the conversation. Just relax; breathe. Yes, He is Holy and yes, He is perfect, so there is a bit of nervousness in our first few conversations with Him. But the more time we spend with Him the easier it gets to talk to Him and absolutely cherish every moment. He is endearing and He listens to every word we speak. Not even one of those words will be lost. He receives them all. When we are at a loss for words, it is fine to just sit in silence. If we don’t know what to ask Him, it’s okay. It is always beneficial to proclaim His Word. The Bible is full of God’s characteristics and His great love. When conversing with Him we should keep those in mind. Wow! It can be gloriously overwhelming to think of how incredible He is and all the things He has done, created, and said. Let alone, all the awesome things He has performed in our individual lives. He isn’t God that created the world, created man, threw that man into the world and said, “The rest is up to you, buddy! You’re on your own to figure this thing out!” Not in the least, He is a loving Father and He continues to work with us on an individual basis. He knows our specific needs and He’s ready to help us get through all our junk to find Him and become more like Him. His Word is our nourishment, our sustenance. With that we move into conversation and dialogue with Him. He wants to share His secrets with us, but that means we have to get close enough to hear His whisper. In order to get closer, we have to spend quality time with Him, undistracted from the busyness of day-to-day responsibilities. Each day in His presence gets better and more invigorating. Each day I fall more in love with this incredible God and Savior. He is everything I need. The more I read His word and converse with Him, the more I understand His heart. Life is dull and meaningless without Him. He’s everything. Putting prayer into practice can only magnify our enjoyment, adventure, and satisfaction in life.

Meet Me In My Dreams

“I had a dream about you.”

Usually, this disconcerting line starts a very unhealthy conversation. I didn’t think anything bad would follow because the guy sharing was a respectable, older friend. “Want to know my dream?” Well, actually I didn’t and my insides screamed as much. But I was naïve and didn’t want to embarrass my friend, “Ok… I guess.” “You were wrapped in a white sarong, walking down the beach. When you saw me, you smiled so big my heart felt like it would burst. You walked toward me, hair flowing beautifully in the wind. When you reached me, YOU KISSED ME. We walked into the sunset holding hands.” Okay, Married Man, that will happen when pigs fly and elephants talk. Why on earth was he sharing this with me? I was speechless. And that gave him just the boost he needed to continue. “If I was twenty years younger, I would marry you in a heartbeat.” I’m sure he thought he was building my confidence. However, it had the opposite effect on me. I was appalled that my older friend would tell me such a gruesome dream. I wasn’t a home-wrecker. I didn’t want a time machine to warp him into his twenties. And I sure didn’t want to kiss him! That was a bad day for me.

“The tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.” (James 3:6)

There are no neutral “heartfelt talks”, phrases, or words; all are hurdling in one of two directions. It is crucial for us to realize we are either speaking words of life or words of death over someone. It is up to us whether we are speaking out of selfless love for someone or selfish ambition. It is partially due to situations like the one above that have kept me in check. I am cautious when sharing my heart with people, especially members of the opposite sex. I continually allow this question to roll through my head, “Is this conversation beneficial for him?” Relationships are important and it’s essential for us to interact with one another in the most loving and edifying way. Like anything else, we learn through training. Christ petitions us to grow in love, joy, peace, patience, long-suffering, and self-control. All of these characteristics are integrated into every aspect of our lives. It is hard to know what an edifying relationship looks like in our world today. We all have trial and error moments. I’ve definitely had my fair share of them. That is why I am so adamant in this stance of day-to-day awareness. Self-control has been cast aside with morals, abstinence, and life-long commitment. Here’s what we can’t do; we cannot blame society for our behavior. Yes, it influences the decisions we make. But we are making personal decisions every day that affect the rest of our lives. We must live with consequences of bad choices and learn from them. We also grow through right choices. Each right decision we make in life brings us that much closer to God’s heart. He calls us to live righteously, to follow His Son’s example. Then the love of the Father will flow freely through us. Since all of life is about relationships, our success lies in how we progress from this point forward. Mistakes will occur, but it is for a desperate love of God that we not allow mistakes to become patterns. A garden can be beautiful, laden with flowers and ivy, trees and fruit. But when a weed takes up root, it quickly spreads and suffocates all the life from the garden. God cares about every part of our lives, especially relationships. And if we give Him the chance, He will teach us what real, lasting relationships look like. Take for example the awesome love expressed when He gave up His perfect Son in the most excruciatingly painful death. This was done for us, for our sins. What perfect love is this that He lay down His life for us? Now that is a love I want to mimic. Not the counterfeit version being practiced today that leaves hearts shattered throughout the earth in utter ruin. I am determined to imitate my life after His.

The Trap of Selfishness

“If I could speak all the languages of the earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” -1 Cor. 13:1

Go with the flow. The ambition of most is to keep up with popular trends and be socially acceptable. Unfortunately, our social evolution is a severe regression of the generation prior. It stems from evidence found in Genesis. This morning I read where Babylonians built a tower for themselves to magnify their greatness which was a blatant disregard for God. I’ve seen a mutation of this attitude run rampant in our culture today. All the girlfriends get together to complain about the men and this is the longstanding petition: “Think about yourself; what makes you happy?” As if all of life should be centered on our own happiness. This fickle emotion is fleeting. To base a relationship on happiness leaves many marriages in a tumultuous spin. It is becoming more common for relationships to end based on, “He doesn’t make me happy anymore.” Hear the selfishness dripping from that comment? No longer does, “Till death do us part” apply. Sadly, it would be more appropriate for those vows to be rewritten as, “Till I don’t feel like it anymore,” “Till it gets too hard,” or “Till I’m bored with you.” It devastates our morals and family values when divorce is such a quick and easy commodity. Why work at it if we can just turn him in for a newer, more exciting model? We put so much emphasis on what we can get out of the relationship. We can’t expect our relationships to look any different from those in the rest of society with this attitude.

First, it is selfish to base our relationships on what we get from the other person. There is another person—of equal value and importance—whose emotions and needs should be considered. He is loved by the Creator of the world; he is made in God’s glorious image. He deserves respect. How can we be so careless in these relationships? Are we leaving these guys better or worse at the end? We are accountable for how we interact in relationships. Each relationship is a gift. Learn from the opposite sex; see a different side of God’s character through that masculine being.

Second, it is unhealthy to be dependent in relationships. We can’t expect our partners to fulfill us. Some jump from relationship to relationship as frantically as possible to prevent an ounce of loneliness from seeping into their lives. We shouldn’t be afraid of being alone. Truth of the matter is that we are never alone (“I am with you always even to the end of the age.” Matt. 28:20b). It would be so beneficial for us to spend a good chunk of time evaluating break-ups and our attitudes. It is important to take time to heal from painful situations. It is not the next guy’s job to make us feel worthy.

What does God’s best look like? Of course it will be unique for each individual, but it will follow a set a guidelines God has created in order to protect us. We cannot simply fall into a right relationship; we bring the right relationship from our experiences. This relationship reflects the greatest relationship of all: Christ and His church. Christ gave Himself for the sake of others. The church responds for the glory of Christ. Both are selfless. What we learn from our personal relationships with God prepares us for personal relationships with people. In Him we find contentment, no matter the situation. In Him we find our confidence, our purpose, and our freedom. Everything we do centers around what we understand about God, ourselves, and the value of other people. If we don’t have a proper understanding of those things our relationships will continually crumble and fall short. It starts with understanding who God is. Only then can we understand ourselves and other people. God created each and every individual on this planet. He created all in His image and of equal value. If we could get past our selfishness we would treat others more like Christ has called us.

 “We know what real love is because Jesus gave up His life for us. So we ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.” (1 John 3:16)

“This is real love—not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” (1 John 4:10)

And this is just a taste. Christ is love. Inevitably, that means it starts with a concern for others… not our own happiness.

Best Friend Or Lifelong Rommate?

When we know a guy has no relational chance with us, it is unfair to foster a best friendship with him. It confuses and breaks hearts. Best friends are inseparable. One is usually nonromantic, the other sways toward love. The signs are clear and it doesn’t take us women long to figure out whether we want to pursue a relationship with a great guy friend or just keep things simple and generic. When we have a best guy friend at our beck and call, we’re not looking for relationships elsewhere. We are too bonded with someone we’ve spent hours of quality time. We need to be discerning about our friendships. Best friends will always contribute more of their hearts than average friends or breezy acquaintances. So when a future is not foreseen between the two people in a friendship, it is often torturous to give away more time, effort, closeness, vulnerability. These things draw people together, knitting their hearts closely into a bond that is hard to break. I have felt the pain of close friendships broken and it has been as though a break up has occurred. Had I been more careful with my heart or theirs, my friendships could have been salvaged.

Picture this scenario: two best friends are hanging out. They adore each other’s company. He, in fact, has the strongest feelings for her. He’d die for her, bend over backwards to make her happy. She knows how much he loves her and she has a strong bond of friendship with him. She likes everything about him, but doesn’t have a romantic interest in him. Another guy doesn’t come along in her years of friendship with him. Finally, she thinks no one else will come along. So she settles for her best friend. She would rather have an adoring roommate for the rest of her life than no one at all. But does she want to make love to him? Not in the least. The idea sickens her. So, she gets what she wants: an adoring roommate that she ignores at night. As a man, he quite normally longs for an expression of love from his wife. Without it, he is plagued by the sexual images that pop up like targets on a hunting game, attacked on the daily with ideas and maybe even attention from other women. If he’s not getting any at home, he is more susceptible to the lure of other women. Let’s say the worst happens. He sleeps with his openly flirtatious co-worker. He feels terrible and does right by admitting the sin to his wife. She only married him to have an adoring fan follow her around the rest of her life, so when she hears his atrocious confession, she is ruthless in her judgments. How badly do you think that might destroy his masculinity? First, he’s finally accepted by the woman he loves, only to be cast into the roommate zone. He feels emasculated by being denied the gifts of marriage. So when adultery takes place and his best friend brutally exiles him forever, he’s left confused and unsure of the right approach for relationships in the future. I surely do not want to be the kind of wife who provokes unfaithfulness while donning the façade of loving wife. A best friend does not do this to someone. This behavior is selfish and unloving.

The summation is we shouldn’t just marry our best friends because they love us. As wives, it will be our opportunity to build our husbands up in Christ as leaders. Of course we want to marry someone who will adore us. It is unfair to settle for a best friend if the adoration and honor are not reciprocated.

It’s hard to say what the right direction is in every situation because each is unique. Friendships are not always best but neither are dating relationships. The main concern in each encounter we have is how we resemble God in the relationship. God wants to teach people beautiful lessons through our lives. We are able to minister to people just by being ourselves and living real lives. We have the ability to cause ripples in the world and touch immediate lives that will later affect other people-complete strangers to us. We have to open our eyes and see beyond the little details of one particular relationship in front of us and realize how we interact with this person may change the lives of other people he comes in contact with later. The way we interact with guys and how we respect and honor them will uplift their spirits and give confidence so that when they meet other girls they will treat them with respect and honor as well. We need more respect and honor in the world. But that isn’t going to happen on wishful thinking. It takes strong young women to say, “I’ve had enough of this broken world, I will be the difference so desperately needed.” Our guy friends and acquaintances deserve better and so do the women they will encounter later.

Relationships: Confusion Defused

I was sitting in a coffee shop enjoying the humor of my best guy friend. We were about to get on separate planes and lose each other’s delightful company for the next several months. Our laughter started to dissipate. Suddenly, I felt the temperature of our conversation change. He cleared his throat. I started to get nervous, having seen this scenario play out in previous friendships. I started to chew my wooden coffee stirrer into miniscule pieces. Subconsciously, I must have been chewing this stick into the shape of a weapon, ready to stab him for taking our quality friendship there. As he carried on, my mind was racing. Where was he going with his tirade of madness? I felt like I was in Spanish class and only catching every fifth word that was spoken. He mentioned something of appreciation for my friendship, personality, and relationship with God. I knew I needed to be patient and give him time to finish his thoughts. I also needed to gather my own before blurting out my defense which was coming to my mind in clumps at this point. I began to pray as he summed up his rabbit-hole, ‘round-the-bush escapade. He didn’t quite hit the mark he was going for by the time he finished. Truth be told, I had feelings for him that may have been deeper than friendship as well. I was terrified of messing up something so sublime by coughing up a crush-confession. Throughout the rant, I wondered if it was an ideal time to share. I sensed God say, “Now is not the time. Just wait.” When God and I have these conversations, I gain such a renewed boldness and patience in any situation. I chose to stay quiet. Apparently, he realized things weren’t clear to him either. He shrugged it off and said we would talk when he could think clearly. I teased him about his delivery and how we hadn’t established anything through that conversation, but deep down I was sighing with relief that he didn’t know how to address the relationship and I knew I wasn’t ready to face the music. As we parted ways, the greatest of friends, I felt very bonded to this man. I enjoyed his friendship immensely, but I knew something was changing for us. A few weeks after, I received the ill-fated email of affection and interest. By this point, I was more certain the answer was a negative for a deeper relationship. I sent a loving, but straight-forward response. We were just meant to be friends. Our lives began to drift apart. It was at this point I wondered, how close am I allowed to get in a friendship with guys? It seems to always end badly for one or the other party. Even if it is just a friendship, someone lets their guard down and opens up to emotions that go beyond friendship. I won’t put a black & white on this rule, but deeply personal friendships should probably be reserved for the same gender and one day, the spouse God brings into our lives. Profound friendships with guys, though fulfilling and appealing, can be dangerous. If not for us, then the guy-friend involved. One of the concepts of real love is when we allow the slow sacrifice of selfless love take precedence over the quick fix of emotional release or intimacy-building, opposite-gender friendships. Building close bonds can be unhealthy and distracting.

This begs the question; in the world of singlehood, how are those intimate friendships unhealthy? Even though we do not give our bodies to our guy friends, we still exchange pieces of our hearts with them. As deep friendships drift apart, I feel remorse for losing something so dear to me. I have a permanent reminder filed away in my brain for a rainy, lonely, dark moment when I am potentially at a weak spot in my faith. The reminder can twist the truth and tempt me to think I’m not good at relationships. I break hearts or get too close. “Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts” (1 John 5:21). If anything pulls my attention away from God, why would I want to nurture it? I cannot leave any of the doors or windows of my heart open for Satan to sneak in and cause mayhem.

God writes our love stories. We can listen intently as He reads each chapter to us, or we can rush ahead, rip the book from His hands and try to decipher the coded script. This will only bring chaos and unnecessary pain. When I understand this about God, nothing takes too long. I gain a deep sense of peace that allows my heart to be comforted even when I feel I am being misunderstood by the world. There’s a deep sense that God will defend my honor, He will bring all things to light. When I walk in this peace, I am more sensible about relationships and conversations. I know that I need to be still at times and speak up at others. I know I need to comfort and encourage one minute, and possibly confront and admonish the next. We do all things in love when we walk in this peace, a sweet surrender of our lives to God.

Rearranging Relationships; Respectfully

“If one doesn’t respect oneself one can have neither love nor respect for others.” – Ayn Rand

We think about ourselves all the time, whether the thoughts are positive or negative. And let’s face it; we care for our bodies though we may claim to hate them. We force ourselves to work out. Some withhold food from their bellies in order to lose weight fast. Others gorge and purge. And even some scrape knives down both arms in punishment for bad choices. We do a lot of things to our bodies, some beneficial some not so beneficial. We chase after guys who clearly have no interest. We flaunt and flirt just to catch their eyes. We do atrocious things when there is a lack of self-respect. How is this behavior helping us? How do we live with such compromises?

“If I just show some skin, I’ll get his attention.” Sure. We’ll get plenty of interest, just like a piece of meat held above a pack of hungry wolves. If any of them get close enough, that bite may be an injurious one. If we have to compromise our modesty in order to get some guy’s attention, desperation glistens on the skin we’re showing. If we do not respect our own bodies how can we expect others to?

I spent the majority of my teen years looking for, if not demanding respect from guys. However, I wouldn’t show respect until a guy earned it. Is that fair? Not in the least. It took a lot of Scripture and a lot of God softening my heart before I concluded guys do not need to earn my respect. I need to respect them because of who God created them to be. Some guys may be living outside of God’s intended purpose. They deserve respectful disassociation. We must respect ourselves enough to stay away from those guys.

We can look at our routine behavior toward our brothers, fathers, and guy friends. Do we ever make comments-even witty and humorous remarks-directly attacking their roles, their intelligence, jobs, or lifestyles? It is especially important to realize, guys were created by God to be leaders. Men were created to protect, provide, and honor. We want to be a part of God’s perfect plan of uplifting others. Disrespect poisons relationships. We must change the way we speak, treat, and interact with men. It is a gradual change. When God reveals something this significant to us, we must be willing and open to change. But it doesn’t just happen overnight, in most cases. Often, we try to change, but fall short. We make a mistake, cringe because we should know better, and then try to make right the situation. The training continues and we notice every word that comes out disrespectfully from our lips. We reevaluate and try to do better next time. As this whole process takes place, we retrain ourselves to use our words differently and be more cautious. As we grow and as we understand patterns in our lives, we are more prepared for future situations that may be similar.

It’s a tragedy when women demean their husbands, boyfriends, brothers or fathers. That behavior fosters insecurity and anger in our male companions. When we belittle them or make them feel stupid, especially in front of people, we are slicing into their very core. It hits the very place they are most insecure about: their adequacy in leadership.

If we learn to respect all guys, we will have a much better perspective on relationships. They deserve our respect from start to finish. If we treat every guy like the valuable brothers they are, we will benefit their lives, not hinder them. When a dating relationship proves unworthy of marriage, the goal is always to leave the other person better than when we first met them.  Their values have been strengthened and personhood uplifted.  Relationships are exciting, especially when we have proper focus in them. When we realize our purpose is to build up and make men stronger for the future, all of our relationships will have a selfless flare to them. We will respect guys for the men they are becoming. We will respect their future wives by not leaving a scar on their hearts. And we will respect ourselves enough to keep our hearts protected in the hands of God.

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