When we know a guy has no relational chance with us, it is unfair to foster a best friendship with him. It confuses and breaks hearts. Best friends are inseparable. One is usually nonromantic, the other sways toward love. The signs are clear and it doesn’t take us women long to figure out whether we want to pursue a relationship with a great guy friend or just keep things simple and generic. When we have a best guy friend at our beck and call, we’re not looking for relationships elsewhere. We are too bonded with someone we’ve spent hours of quality time. We need to be discerning about our friendships. Best friends will always contribute more of their hearts than average friends or breezy acquaintances. So when a future is not foreseen between the two people in a friendship, it is often torturous to give away more time, effort, closeness, vulnerability. These things draw people together, knitting their hearts closely into a bond that is hard to break. I have felt the pain of close friendships broken and it has been as though a break up has occurred. Had I been more careful with my heart or theirs, my friendships could have been salvaged.
Picture this scenario: two best friends are hanging out. They adore each other’s company. He, in fact, has the strongest feelings for her. He’d die for her, bend over backwards to make her happy. She knows how much he loves her and she has a strong bond of friendship with him. She likes everything about him, but doesn’t have a romantic interest in him. Another guy doesn’t come along in her years of friendship with him. Finally, she thinks no one else will come along. So she settles for her best friend. She would rather have an adoring roommate for the rest of her life than no one at all. But does she want to make love to him? Not in the least. The idea sickens her. So, she gets what she wants: an adoring roommate that she ignores at night. As a man, he quite normally longs for an expression of love from his wife. Without it, he is plagued by the sexual images that pop up like targets on a hunting game, attacked on the daily with ideas and maybe even attention from other women. If he’s not getting any at home, he is more susceptible to the lure of other women. Let’s say the worst happens. He sleeps with his openly flirtatious co-worker. He feels terrible and does right by admitting the sin to his wife. She only married him to have an adoring fan follow her around the rest of her life, so when she hears his atrocious confession, she is ruthless in her judgments. How badly do you think that might destroy his masculinity? First, he’s finally accepted by the woman he loves, only to be cast into the roommate zone. He feels emasculated by being denied the gifts of marriage. So when adultery takes place and his best friend brutally exiles him forever, he’s left confused and unsure of the right approach for relationships in the future. I surely do not want to be the kind of wife who provokes unfaithfulness while donning the façade of loving wife. A best friend does not do this to someone. This behavior is selfish and unloving.
The summation is we shouldn’t just marry our best friends because they love us. As wives, it will be our opportunity to build our husbands up in Christ as leaders. Of course we want to marry someone who will adore us. It is unfair to settle for a best friend if the adoration and honor are not reciprocated.
It’s hard to say what the right direction is in every situation because each is unique. Friendships are not always best but neither are dating relationships. The main concern in each encounter we have is how we resemble God in the relationship. God wants to teach people beautiful lessons through our lives. We are able to minister to people just by being ourselves and living real lives. We have the ability to cause ripples in the world and touch immediate lives that will later affect other people-complete strangers to us. We have to open our eyes and see beyond the little details of one particular relationship in front of us and realize how we interact with this person may change the lives of other people he comes in contact with later. The way we interact with guys and how we respect and honor them will uplift their spirits and give confidence so that when they meet other girls they will treat them with respect and honor as well. We need more respect and honor in the world. But that isn’t going to happen on wishful thinking. It takes strong young women to say, “I’ve had enough of this broken world, I will be the difference so desperately needed.” Our guy friends and acquaintances deserve better and so do the women they will encounter later.