“Let’s take it for a test drive.” John was a good-looking, successful bachelor. He liked organization and perfection. He would not compromise on one particular issue. He fell in love with Janis, but wouldn’t marry her until they took the [sexual] test drive to prove their compatibility. Janis stood firm in her belief to wait until marriage. Inevitably, their great relationship dissipated since neither would compromise on this important issue. However, in many cases, women are duped into the test-drive pit-stop. They start dating a guy who is nice, independent, financially set, and virtually perfect… until he drops this line, “How will we know we’re a perfect fit unless we take the test drive?” It makes a little sense, but most women aren’t convinced and need more coaxing, so the next lines ensue, “It’s an important investment so I’m not willing to commit unless I know it works for me. Like buying a house, or a new car, I have to make sure everything is perfect.” So it’s a big investment for him, that’s understandable. Unlike his material investments, he’s not buying a woman. Unless, she’s in a country where dowries are set and brides are purchased. To be blunt, he can’t demand to test drive a human being.
We think it’s our responsibility to take care of these guys and keep them happy. At what expense though? Is it our own virtue? That is a line that should not be crossed. God will never ask us to give our purity away. Why should we listen to a guy when he asks or demands it?
I was enamored by a pro motocross rider named Jake. He was an adrenaline-junkie, manly to the max, ruggedly handsome good looks, and purebred bad boy. He ignited the rebel in me. The fire in his eyes was mesmerizing. There was a great allure to fall for this impossible relationship. It was easy to get sucked in with no commitments attached. We were extremely affectionate with each other, but my boundaries were as intact as an electric fence. I wouldn’t go beyond my comfort zone or into roll-around-the-floor-“wrestling”-territory. He was respectful, surprisingly. One day, we had a little conversation about my stance. He inquisitively asked, “So, you won’t sleep with anyone until you get married?” “Yes, that’s right.” “Why on earth would you do that? Don’t you want to practice and have a little fun first?” “I’ll have plenty of fun when I get married. Until then, I don’t need to go there.” He sputtered, “Well then, marry me! We can fix this right now!” I wish I could say I wasn’t flattered by his words. But he was something special. Still, I couldn’t imagine myself with him. I liked him, but would never tether myself to this tempestuous man. And truly, he was really just asking for the thing I wouldn’t give until the seal of matrimony. Guys are smart and some know exactly which manipulation tactic brings results. Some use the “test drive” theory, while others stride down the commitment tract under pretense in order to get what they want. We have to see past the users and abusers, the bad boys and the rebels. I’ve encountered the bad boys and had my heart flutter from the whirlwind of risk and danger. But as my heart grows softer toward Christ and the life He has for me, I find my attraction taste has changed. The bad boy, no matter how great looking his shell, does not appeal to me in the same manner. I wouldn’t marry him so why waste my attraction and affection on him? There is something beautiful about the heart of a man after God’s will. I want to be the kind of person I would look for in a relationship. If I chase after God and pursue His will above all, I will encounter like-minded guys. If we know this and keep pursuing the wrong relationships, our hearts will grow harder and colder toward purity. It is crucial to see the truth and turn from old patterns, especially when it comes to bad boys and the temptation to let our hair down in the presence of fleshly freedom.
The philosophy that we can play now and not pay later is a lie. There will always be consequences attached to games with the bad boys and test drives with the rebels.
Mackenzie Laird 
June 23rd, 2012 at 3:55 pm
“God will never ask us to give our purity away.”
He asked a man to kill his own son. I doubt he would have any qualms with something so arbitrary as the loss of virginity before instead of after marriage.
June 24th, 2012 at 7:14 am
Virginity and purity are not one and the same. Purity comes from the heart. “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Prov. 4:23)
“Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.” (Eph. 5:3)
There is a difference between walking into a sexual relationship before marriage with the mindset that ‘God doesn’t care about such arbitrary things,’ and not knowing it is wrong. For one, repentance and redemption fully cover those sins and purify a heart that longs after God’s righteousness. For the other, “Dear friends, if we deliberately continue sinning after we have received knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice that will cover these sins.”
(Heb. 10:26)
I hope this clears things up for you. Thanks for reading!
June 24th, 2012 at 8:09 am
Hmm, yes, I guess I should have given that a bit more thought.
But, I think everyone continues to sin, even after “hearing the truth.” We still lie and lust after others and work on the Sabbath. I don’t think forgiveness will be withheld if one asks genuinely.
June 25th, 2012 at 10:09 am
Indeed. I agree with that statement completely. When we are truly repentant, He forgives perpetually and profusely.
“He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear Him. For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone—as though we had never been here. But the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear Him.” (Ps. 103:12-17)
June 23rd, 2012 at 9:10 pm
I wonder if denying this truth isn’t the disconnect for the average believer when it comes to dating. There seems to be a discrepancy between what men and women say they want in a relationship and their willingness to experience the level of transformation necessary to find it. I can try to convince others that I’m seeking a wife that’ll spur my growth in Christ, but if I’m not already serious about knowing the Source in an intimate way, I’ll have a skewed understanding of how that looks; I’m setting myself up to be deceived. I will justify the superficial things that my flesh wants because I cannot discern true spiritual fruit from its corruption.
This is the danger Paul references in 2 Tim. 3:6. When we are weighed down with our own sin, we are easily preyed upon by those who would selfishly tempt us for their own appetite — even more alarming, they will do so with a form of godliness that nurtures our pride.
You hit it on the head, Mackenzie: be the kind of person you want to find. The heart set towards Christ begins to seek the treasure that reminds it of Him. The bad boy is only attractive because his physical qualities (mis)represent the masculine qualities we admire in our Maker: the bold pursuit, the daring risk, the seeming ability to protect. The Spirit-led woman understands that these desires are meant to be met in a spiritual way, by a man that loves, leads, and protects selflessly rather than for personal gain, and does so recklessly in the sense that His fears have been submitted to Christ. One leads by his own might; the other in his weakness leads by Christ’s authority and strength.
I’ll never be confused for the bad boy, but I pray that my masculinity will be marked by the confidence I exhibit in Him — that as I live with an attitude to go wherever He sends me (often outside common reason), He would identify a woman with the same heart. As guys, we fall into the same trap. I’m so exhausted in trying to fit exciting and flirtatious women into His plan for my life, only to be disappointed by the lack of spiritual depth. I want to attract the sort of woman that can walk alongside the path He has already set before me without deviation.
Loving your content here. It has my brain percolating it’s own purity tangents… in case you couldn’t tell. 🙂
June 25th, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Your “purity rant” is rather astute. I concur with your idea of a superficial pull that sometimes distracts us from the priority of spiritual depth in a partner. Also, the way you equate “bad boy qualities” with the adventurous and wild side of God. Absolutely! I think everyone is attracted to ‘wild’ (though some people have a tainted perception of the word). Wild=God: the limitless Creator of the universe (we haven’t even scratched the surface of His creation!!). Nothing can contain Him, nothing will ever control Him, and no one will EVER be greater than He. Our souls crave the freedom that can only be found in Him. When we have tasted the Kingdom of Heaven, nothing this world has to offer will satisfy. And when we have encountered someone with like-minded passion, the fibers of our spirit are strengthened and the oxygen to our souls reaches deeper. We were created for relationship and the greatest of all is our relationship with the King. Any relationship which resembles that one will bring us more to life and encourage us on this path we walk.
“It has my brain percolating its own purity tangents”…. This delicious sentence reminds me of coffee-which is probably the best thing ever to be fashioned into a beverage. But of course, on the relevant side, I’m honored by the point you make. That’s one of the greatest things I’ve read concerning my blog. 🙂 And I love to receive wisdom from others. Thank you so much for sharing your heart on the topic.
June 25th, 2012 at 5:03 pm
As a fellow paying his bills on account of coffee enthusiasts such as yourself: thank you! Wherever the Lord has sent me, the barista trade has traveled well. And you wouldn’t believe the budget relief in receiving my primary indulgence for free!
It’s interesting what you say about everyone being attracted to wild. A few months ago I had written a post about the tangle between my heart and my head. As I consider the risk and vulnerability of loving a passionate woman, painful experience leads my head to conclude that the safe thing would be better — that perhaps I could convince my heart to settle with a tame wife that requires little to be spiritually satisfied or romanced.
But this attitude betrays the burning nature of His Spirit within me. Regardless of the cognitive decision to pursue what is easier, my heart is involuntarily moved by those that reject all else to be amazed by His wonder. This is my Body, and from this Church she must belong. Or as you so wonderfully stated:
And it’s refreshingly agonizing — like I can never quite catch my breath long enough to cease being amazed by her fire — but I can’t imagine Him leading me into a relationship any other way. I’d rather wander the earth a lonely prophet than rest with a steady partner lacking passion.