Flirtatious Fire

In the moment, when the heat of his breath is so close and hearts are beating a hundred miles an hour as if they could visibly pump right out of each chest, it is hard-if not impossible-to say no. If we wait until we are in a situation that begs to steal our purity, our stance is harder to take. In that moment, whether we want to be pure or not, our flesh is the loudest voice. The argument may go through our heads a dozen times, but the outcome is usually the same: “I don’t care what the consequences are, I can’t say no.” We hit the crossroads and don’t have the time to think through the situation with clarity. Our minds are clouded from good judgment. We can get into two different scenarios under this lack of discipline. Either it’s too hard to say no, or we come in contact with guys who won’t listen to our “no’s.”

I was in one such situation in my party days. My best girl friend and I went to her ex-boyfriend’s house. He and his roommate were looking for fun and she answered the call. I felt uncomfortable when I arrived, but doused the discomfort with alcohol and flirtation. My friend disappeared and I was stuck on the couch with the roommate. I was bored out of my mind and ready to leave. He was building his courage and attempting small talk. A few drinks later, he was showing me his room. Was it my naivety that kept warning bells from shooting off in my head? I walked in, looked around. It was ugly and cluttered. Suddenly, I’m pinned on his bed and he is trying to kiss me. Okay, now the warning bells are working. Pop, pop, crack—they’re going off like firecrackers and my mind is racing for a quick get-away. I pushed with all my strength, but he must have been a wrestler in his earlier years because I was immobilized. My legs weren’t working, but my voice was growing louder and sterner by the second, “Get OFF right now! This is not funny and I am NOT going to sleep with you. If you do not get up, I will hurt you.” This may have been more convincing if my voice wasn’t shaking and my breath coming out in labored clumps from his weighty pressure. When he just laughed at my command, hope waned momentarily. But I’m fighter. Finally, I got a hand free and shot my fist into his throat. Cough, choke, sway… this was my chance. I squirmed free just in time to get his elbow in my eye. I took two steps back and bluffed with a fighting stance. I had one chance to connect with his face and show him that I meant business. Adrenaline thundered through my bloodstream and anger rallied toward this obnoxious creature in front of me. I saw a look of uncertainty in his eyes and took my shot. By now we’re both a bit bloody but finally at a truce. I grabbed my friend and we went home. That was my first–and hopefully last–black eye from a guy. If we play with fire we WILL get burned.

When we “harmlessly” flirt with someone just for the sake of flirting we open the door to trouble. I had no attraction for this guy. I was bored and he was the only available target for my entertainment. Playing the game of flirtation is not pure in the least. It is not fostering godly relationships, nor is it protecting the hearts of others. There is such a power trip to flirtation and the attention it ignites. It gives us a false sense of control. We call the shots, we draw the lines. So we assume “purity” is just about holding a V-card, but it is more than that. We must be aware of our surroundings and refrain from our dance around the fire.

Even though I don’t know the painful memories of a sexual encounter, I do realize that whatever tactics Satan has used on me when I’ve fallen short of my standards are increased and intensified for a girl who feels as though she’s lost her greatest gift: her virginity. Often, the stories I hear from girls who gave their virginity away and had their hearts broken, felt they had nothing left to protect so they continued the pattern of sleeping with boyfriend after boyfriend. It is hard to protect what you fear is lost. I did that with my first kiss. After that, I kissed a lot of people because I had already missed the goal of saving that kiss for the altar. I cannot imagine the pain some have gone through after losing their virginity. But here is where redemption shines through the hopelessness. No matter what we’ve done we cannot give up! With God on our side, our sins are washed away, our slate is wiped clean, and our garments are made as white as snow. Redemption gives us a story to tell with a brave and joyful ending. Redemption gives us the strength to say no and to respect ourselves enough to break the cycle and live righteously. “Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it” (James 4:17). We can start over at any point in our lives. We cannot continue to sin with the expectation that God will forgive us later when we decide to repent. “Dear friends, if we deliberately continue sinning after we have received knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice that will cover these sins. There is only the terrible expectation of God’s judgment and the raging fire that will consume his enemies” Hebrews 10:26-27. It is a serious issue when we sin while knowing it is sin. We have a freedom in Christianity that no other religion allows: freedom of choice. We don’t serve our Master out of fear or condemnation. We serve Him out of love. “We love because He first loved us.” He taught us how to love when He gave up His life for us. We live righteously because we want to be more like Christ. He said, “I no longer call you servants, but friends.” He isn’t just Master anymore; He is Savior and Friend.

“Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.”  -Isaiah 1:18


It is there for the asking. And the Spirit will always make a way of escape. Always!



About Mackenzie

Traveling is ingrained in my DNA. I was born in Texas. Raised all over the U.S. I love mission work, the medical field, ingesting copious amounts of knowledge, and honorable relationships. I'm quite passionate about health, purity, sports, and the Bible. So, there's that! View all posts by Mackenzie

2 responses to “Flirtatious Fire

  • fieara

    Don’t blame yourself for flirting, that guy tried to rape you and you should have reported him to the police. Whether or not you were flirting he should not have forced you and the blame is entirely his – even if you’d said “yes” and then said “no” he still should not have attacked you. No means no. And he was so violent that you even had to use physical force, so he should have realised you meant no! It is very sad that those girls felt so distressed at losing their virginity; maybe if they didn’t place such importance on virginity they wouldn’t feel bad; after all, sexual acts are on a continuum/spectrum, it’s not as black-and-white as virgin versus nonvirgin. Sleeping with 2 people and sleeping with 6 people are more different than sleeping with none and sleeping with one. There’s also a differene between kissing and a non-penetrative sexual act. I hope they feel better and put it behind them. I’m fascinated by virginity and abstinence and you are a talented writer 🙂 I love your descriptions about dancing around the fire.

    • sweetsirensofmudhock

      You’re absolutely right. And I know the statistics prove many women don’t get out of those situations unscathed. That, in and of itself, is such a great tragedy.

      I also agree that it’s not virgin vs. nonvirgin. My main purpose for writing this blog is to evaluate a life of purity and what it entails. I don’t think any of the above mentioned acts should be measured when one talks about how pure they are. It has less to do with the acts performed and much more to do with the heart. From a biblical stance, I know sex is reserved for a husband and wife. From a personal stance, I don’t want my future husband competing with the memories of previous boyfriends. When it comes to anything previous to the act of sex, I want to interact in the most selfless and loving way by doing what is best for the other person and what is best for my standards. I still don’t think kissing is wrong, but the manner in which I used to go about it was wrong: kissing for the sake of kissing, no matter the guy. So I got practice. I also got a lot of names and faces that I wish I could forget. 🙂

      Thanks for your comment!

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