The Rough Patch In The Road


If you’re anything like me, you hit patches in life where you are slightly jaded by the gift of singleness. There is a wistful desire for companionship. Hopefully, the feeling passes and you are able to think clearly as a flexible single woman. The freedom and independence are big ones for me. I’m not going to give those up for just anybody. None of us should.

We sell ourselves short if we settle for someone who isn’t a godly leader. Just as we might get a dear friend’s opinion on something important in life, the same consideration should be given to marriage. And God is the first one we should go to for permission. When we know we have the support of the Almighty Creator of the Universe we know we have something worth fighting for-no matter how tumultuous the trials or how many times the romance wanes. I know God’s ways are sovereign. I know He is all-knowing. He sees who I will marry and He knows the course of my life before it even takes place. The kind of guy I want is someone who reminds me of God, someone who encourages me to grow closer to Him. The whole purpose of marriage is to reflect a glimpse of God’s heart for His Church–to grow deeper and deeper in a sweet communion. Our relationship with Christ is like a marriage commitment. We even grow in similar steps as someone who is pursuing a romantic interest. If only we could see Him that way. If we got butterflies when thinking about Christ, wouldn’t we want to spend more time with Him? Wouldn’t we want to get to know Him more? We’d read His letters [Bible] and reread them. Sound a bit like Christianity as it should be? Yes. We are supposed to fall head-over-heels, madly in love with the One who gave up His life for us. It’s great to have a guy who will say, “I’d die for you.” But the thing is someone has already fulfilled that sweet line. Christ did die for us. That is a guy worth getting to know fully. Let’s work on that relationship foremost, always. And in light of knowing the truth about Him, it should change our views about guys and relationships. We shouldn’t settle for just any marriage prospect. One of my biggest desires is that none of us settle. I hold each woman reading this as dear as I would my own sister. No matter the story, none of us should lower our standards. Even those who don’t feel worthy. We’ve been redeemed. There’s no settling for second best. God will give us peace and discernment in this huge decision. We must be patient and grow in the knowledge of Christ. We must cling to Him and He will direct our paths. I refuse to settle for something less than God’s best. And because of that, I’ve waited a long time. I love my singlehood, but there are a handful of hard moments. It’s not supposed to be easy. There is long-suffering at times. I’m not going to promise laughter, ponies, and rainbows the whole trip. There will be thunderstorms, tears, and earthquakes that kill some of our hopes and dreams of this guy and that guy being “the one.” There is hope, joy, contentment, and fulfillment throughout this journey as we trust and follow after God’s truth. The moment we take our eyes off of Him we notice how fun the dark side looks. We may even eyeball the happy couples and become discontent. As we practice self-control we can live in a peace that passes all understanding. When the right guy comes along, all the waiting will have been worth it. There’s only one guy worth having out there and that’s our future husbands. Let’s forget the hot bad boys we would have a hard time rejecting, or the good-looking distractions that sway us from our God-given goals. Those guys become regrets later. God did not intend for us to jump from relationship to relationship. He wants us to treat these guys with respect and lovingly guard their hearts as well as our own. We must be careful and prayerful in each and every one of our relationships.

1 Corinthians 10:13, “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.”

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About Mackenzie

Traveling is ingrained in my DNA. I was born in Texas. Raised all over the U.S. I love mission work, the medical field, ingesting copious amounts of knowledge, and honorable relationships. I'm quite passionate about health, purity, sports, and the Bible. So, there's that! View all posts by Mackenzie

2 responses to “The Rough Patch In The Road

  • Joy Felix

    And look for someone that you are better together as a team, a partnership with than apart. If you wake up while dating and realize “I can accomplish my dreams and visions that God has given me better by myself than with this guy,” then he is the wrong guy. A good marriage makes people better, not worse. Too many girls marry thinking the guy is going to fix their problems – he is just going to add to them if you go in with that mentality. And it puts too much pressure on another person. As to loneliness – loneliness doesn’t stop when you get married, it just makes you more neurotic, because it can easily turn into an excuse on how your spouse isn’t doing their job. But it is not my spouse’s job to fulfill me. That is God’s job. It is much easier to learn that lesson single. Marrying later made me a better person. It made marriage much more intentional, much more fulfilling, much more valuable, but with wiser more realistic expectations. Rough spots come, I had many, but coming out on the other side (still single) I realized I was better for them.

  • sweetsirensofmudhock

    I couldn’t have said it better. Thank you for your perspective. There are several nuggets of wisdom in your comment.

    You made a great point about a goal-enhancing partnership that benefits both people. That is probably a great question for everyone to ask when they are dating: “Can I accomplish my calling with this guy more so than without him?”

    It is also awesome to hear how things have gone for you. I do agree that false expectations put unrealistic amounts of pressure on guys. And that damages a relationship. It really sounds like you had your head on your shoulders when you got married. I’m overjoyed to hear it. You’ve given some wonderful advice here. I appreciate your comment. 🙂

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